Valentine's Day
by ValentineRevenge
Summary: Late Valentine's Day story. GrimmUlqui, UlquiGrimm. Ulquiorra tries and fails to be seme. ONESHOT


**Yet another fanfic for Haruhi2034 of deviantArt. At this stage, I owe her 25 more fanfics... And every day that goes by, more gets added to that. So I probably won't finish with these till I am very, very old... On to the good stuff then. Tite Kubo owns bleach, Ichigo is a bag o douche, Nnoitra ish my bitch, (even though Kubo is the one who owns him :/) and Grimm-kitty pwns all. If you can recognise it, I do NOT own it.**

**WARNINGS: This fic includes, but is not limited to, Shonen Ai, Yaoi, gay guys, fruitcakes, tea, butterflies, traumatised spoons, spoons making (shitty) tea, spoons being bitches, pink-haired narcissists, and more!**

**GrimmUlqui, NnoiSzay, implied SzayUlqui**

It was the middle of the night in Hueco Mundo. In the human world, it was 10 PM the night before Valentines Day. Ulquiorra was up at this late hour, walking around the halls of Hueco Mundo, because he couldn't sleep. You see my lovelies, our little bat was lonely. He had no one to be his Valentine, nor was anyone his Valentine. So even though he didn't have a heart, he was heartbroken.

**Cue lots of 'aww's from stage left, melting fangirl/boy hearts, and sad looking emo Ulqui. **

His wanderings had taken him to outside of Szayel's door. He hadn't even known it, his mind being on auto-pilot, and his feet going where they will. Without really thinking about it, he raised his hand and knocked on the outrageous hot pink door. Szayel opened it from within, pink hair damp, and a pink towel around his waist, hiding his nether regions, not that Ulquiorra really wanted to see that.

**Nnoitra: Neither do I! But I see that shit every fuckin' day! I didn't even know the damn fruitcake had a dick!**

**ValentineRevenge: Nnoitra, please save your pervertedness for some later occasion. And while you're standing there, go get me tea. And make it good this time. **

**Nnoitra: With or without Wonderweiss pissing in it?**

**ValentineRevenge: Without, thank you very much.**

**Nnoitra: Yeah, yeah, whatever bitch. I'm gonna read my porn after this. *Shuffles off***

"Whatever are you doing here at 10:30 in the night, knocking at my door, Ulquiorra?" Szayel asked, flicking his wet hair out of his face. "Was wandering around Hueco Mundo, and just happened to stop by. What are you doing in a state of undress?" Ulquiorra countered. "Well the perfect being must smell good. So thus, the perfect being must shower, and wash off the filth of the unworthy-" Szayel said, then stopped, seeing the look in Ulquiorra's emerald eyes. "Come in" Szayel said, stepping aside to admit entry to the room. Ulquiorra did just that. His shoulders lacked the usual strong stance that he assumed. In fact, he looked defeated, and rather beaten-down.

Inside the room, everything was various shades of pink. Even though this was his private room, Szayel didn't spend much time there, preferring instead to sleep in the lab, as he usually fell asleep from pulling way too many all nighters while working on various projects. This room had several monitors in it as well. Ulquiorra looked at one in curiousity. It was displaying information about the history of Valentine's Day. Ulquiorra thought it might have just been a fluke, and looked at the one next to it. This one was displaying the perfect way to make chocolate. Even more confused, the little Bat looked at the one above that. It displayed information on how to put roses in your hair without jabbing yourself with the roses thorns.

"Szayel, what's all this?" Ulquiorra asked, turning around, and immediately wishing he hadn't. Szayel had dropped the towel, and was standing completely in the nude. This left nothing up to the imagination. Lets just say that Ulquiorra used to think Nnoi's hollow hole being his left eye and his tattoo on his tongue were weird. Now, he considered them completely normal in comparison to the location of Szayel's hollow hole and tattoo. "Like what you see?" Szayel asked over his shoulder, and striking a pose that looked to be something fresh out of Playboy. Ulquiorra just gaped like a dying fish.

**Nnoitra: *returns with tea* But I thought Ulquiorra was supposed to be a bat, not a fish... He doesn't have big tits!**

**ValentineRevenge: *sips tea* First of all, Ulquiorra is a bat, and Harribel is a shark, not a fish. Also, it is considered rude to make vulgar anatomy comments.**

**Nnoitra: *puffs out chest* Says who?**

**ValentineRevenge: *points***

**Nnoitra: *Turns around* Harribel! Didn't see ya there! Heh... *Lecherous smile***

**Harribel: *Glare***

**Nnoitra: *Runs***

Szayel shook his head. "Nevermind. Have a seat." he said, turning around again and digging through his bureau. "AHA!" he suddenly yelled, coming up with a small piece of pink fabric. "Huh?" Ulquiorra asked. Everything about Szayel confused him. The man was the epitome of madness. Not surprising considering his aspect of death, but still. It was most...amusing... "Nevermind. AGAIN!" Szayel cried, flapping his hands in the air, arse still open to the elements. "Tea?" Szayel asked kindly. "Uh...Sure." Ulquiorra said, diverting his eyes from the sight in front of him. "Verona! Lumina!" Szayel barked out. The two blobs of flesh bounced into sight. "Get Ulquiorra some tea. Be snappy about it. And for Aizen's sake, don't let Wonderweiss piss in it. Again!" Szayel yelled, gesturing around with his arms, uncaring that his nether regions were out to anyone and everyone who cared to see and all who didn't as well.

"Tea!" Verona said.

"Mistress Ulquiorra!" Lumina continued.

"Wonderweiss!" Verona chimed in.

"Piss!" Lumina cried.

"Piss! Piss!" They both squealed out at the same time, before bouncing right out the door.

**Szayel: Did ya have to make my fraccion such imbeciles?**

Szayel faced-palmed, before muttering, "I have idiots for fraccion." He then proceeded to dig through the bureau in front of him, sqeauling every so often. Ulquiorra chose to ignore it. When Verona and Lumina finally returned with a teapot and several tea-cups, he thanked them quietly, and proceeded to sip his tea. "Ulqui-chan, could you lace me up?" Szayel asked sweetly. Ulquiorra looked up, and once again wished he hadn't.

Szayel was dressed in a whorish pink & white French Maid's dress. Even his stockings matched the outfit. "Szayel, what in the world is this for?" Ulquiorra asked, wrinkling his nose slightly. It was extremely whorish, with the bottom white ruffles on the dress just barely coming to the top of Szayel's thighs. "Well it's almost Valentine's Day. I was considering going, dressed like this, to Nnoitra's room, and waking him up in oh... about 2 hours." Szayel said with a shrug. Ulquiorra sighed so softly it was barely perceptible before he continued the task of lacing up the back of the fruitcake's dress.

"So that's what's bugging you." Szayel said as soon as Ulquiorra was done. "Whatever do you mean Szayel?" Ulquiorra asked, trying not to let out any emotion. the reality of it was, he wanted to break down screaming or crying or both, and cling to Pinky like he was a lifeline. "You're miserable because in an hour's time, it'll be Valentine's Day and Grimmjow is pissed at you. Isn't it?" Szayel asked turning around and putting his hand on his hip. Ulquiorra nodded sadly, and let a single tear fall.

**ValentineRevenge: Spoon!**

**Nnoitra: *shuffles in* Can't ya get another bitch and leave me to read mah effin porn?**

**ValentineRevenge: *glares* Go get me more tea**

**Nnoitra: *shuffles out* Damn bitch won't let me read mah effin porn!**

**ValentineRevenge: I heard that you bloody-fucking overgrown spoon!**

"Well I have an idea." Szayel said, a cunning smirk spreading across his features. "What is it?" Ulquiorra asked, biting back the other tears that threathened to follow the first. "Do the same thing I'm doing. For some reason, guys can't seem to resist seeing their uke's dressed in drag and looking extremely fuckable." Szayel said, pushing Ulquiorra towards the bathroom, and tossing him a towel and a box. "Take a shower, and get dressed. Everything's in the box!" Szayel chirped out cheerily.

30 minutes later, Ulquiorra exited the bathroom, smelling like mint, and dressed just like Szayel, though his dress was black and green. "Well Grimmjow certainly will love you now!" Szayel said, having Ulquiorra sit down. He came near to the green orb with a stick of eyeliner, before said orb squished close, and a hand batted away Szayel. "What the hell do you think you're doing Szayel?" This just made Szayel's smirk grow till it looked like his face would split in two, before he said, "Making you even more bishie of course!"

By the time the two were ready to go, it was just shy of midnight. They left the Octava's room, and began walking up the hallway. As they were passing Aizen's room, they saw Gin sneaking up to the door, dressed as they were, but his was lavender and white. Their eyes met, and a nod passed between them, before they carried on. Yep, it was a bad time for bishie ukes in Las Noches. As they drew near Grimmjow's room, Szayel turned to Ulquiorra, and said, "If ya can still walk later today, or tomorrow, I'll see ya then. If not... Next meeting." Ulquiorra nodded, and said, "Same." Before he slowly and carefully opened the door to Grimmjow's room and entered.

It was dark and cool in the room. From the window, the sickly crescent moon light everything in a bluish light. It just served to make everything creepier. Ulquiorra shuddered slightly. In the bed, there was a lump. A step closer brought it within his view. It was Grimmjow, clad in only his boxers, which rode dangerously low on his hips. His cerulean eyes seemed to be closed for the moment. Ulquiorra took in a shaky breath. He could back out of it now. Without warning, Grimmjow's eyes opened, and locked onto his.

"Been wonderin' when ya were gonna announce ya self." Grimmjow drawled. Ulquiorra gulped. This wasn't something that he had planned on happening. "What the fuck do ya want you fuckin' slut?" Grimmjow asked, propping himself up on his elbows slightly. The look he gave Ulquiorra made him blush deeply, knees knocking together. He knew Grimmjow was pissed and there was no telling what was going to happen. But he had a pretty good bet either he would get cero'd into oblivion, sliced to shreds, or not be able to sit till July. While none of the three sounded that appealing, if he had to choose, Ulqui would choose not to sit til July. He was scared. So why was he turned on?

"J-Just wanted to apologize, Grimmjow-sama." Ulquiorra whispered, still shaking where he stood. "So you plan to come in here dressed like a little whorish slut, just begging to be fucked, and you don't even get your fuckin' ass over here to apologize properly?" Grimmjow snarled. He had sat up fully by now. Ulquiorra gulped. It looked like it would be the third one. At least that was better than being put back together. Or having to attend the next Espada meeting from a matchbox. Ulqui took a step closer to the bed. He was within arm's reach of Grimmjow now. Both of them knew it.

Without warning, Grimmjow's hand shot out, and grabbed the front of Ulquiorra's dress, and dragged him onto the bed. Ulquiorra was too shocked to say anything. He just lay there across Grimmjow's lap. Although it seemed impossible by that time, Ulquiorra was blushing redder than a tomato. Which says something. Grimmjow just laughed his perverted laugh. Ulquiorra gulped soundlessly. Within seconds, the smaller Espada was hauled onto the bed, and flipped onto his back. He breathing was quivering.

Grimmjow lowered his head, till his mouth was level with Ulqui's ear, and whispered harshly, "This is what whores like you get." before biting down on said ear. Ulquiorra let out a slight whimper, before he got a determined glimmer in his emerald eyes. If Grimmjow had seen it, he may have been worried. But he didn't see the look at all. Ulquiorra flipped them, so Grimmjow was on the bottom, and he was on the top. "You know, trash, you shouldn't be so harsh to someone. Even if they don't have a heart. It just may come back to bite you." Ulquiorra said nonchalantly, before he ran his hands down Grimmjow's naked chest, making him quiver slightly. This was something he really was not expecting. After all, Grimmjow wasn't supposed to be an uke.

Ulquiorra didn't care about this. He leaned down, and kissed Grimmjow firmly on the lips, nibbling the lower lip of the panther to gain entrance. When it was denied, Ulquiorra bit down harshly on the lip, drawing blood. Grimmjow gasped in pain. Yet another unexpected thing. Ulquiorra's tongue slipped inside, dancing with the tongue it met there. Within several short moments, Ulquiorra had won. Grimmjow tasted his own blood mixed with the unique tea and cabbage and mint flavor of Ulqui's mouth. When they pulled apart for air several seconds later, Grimmjow was ready to panic.

"Ulquiorra?" Grimmjow tested cautiously. "Yes trash?" was the only reply he recieved. "What are you doing?" The bluenette asked, worry creasing his forehead. Ulquiorra pecked him lightly on the lips and said, "Getting revenge of course." He made it seem like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And knowing Ulquiorra, that's exactly what he thought. "Revenge for what?" Grimmjow asked, trying to sit up. "You treating me like I was worth nothing to you for the past few weeks." Ulquiorra said, shoving Grimmjow back down, before continuing on, "And I intend to make you understand just what it feels like to be fucked into the mattress, then having to go about your daily duties."

"Come on, can't I change that?" Grimmjow asked cautiously. When Ulquiorra said something, he usually meant it. "Maybe. But most likely not. You're going to get what you deserve Jeagerjaques." Ulquiorra said with an off-hand shrug. This was getting better by the moment. Ulquiorra shifted slightly when he felt something press against his thigh. "Now what was that?" Ulquiorra asked. Grimmjow blushed fiercely. Normally, he wouldn't. But then again, normally, he was seme.

"What the fucking hell do you think you're doing? You're the one dressed in fucking drag like a little slut! Aren't girls supposed to be on the bottom?" Grimmjow spat, venom in his voice. "As I said trash, I am getting my revenge for these past few weeks. And while I am dressed in women's clothing, I would like you to remember that wearing a skirt does not change the gender of the sexual organs below the skirt. And it is considered rude, sexist, and chauvinistic to state that women are always supposed to be the submissive one in sexual situations." Ulquiorra said, getting back to his formal emotionless state. This lead Grimmjow to take on a different approach to getting back on top.

Instead of struggling anymore, he just went completely limp in Ulquiorra's grasp. He closed his eyes, trying to get his breathing under control, and tipped his head back, exposing his neck to the drag-queen above him. Ulquiorra was notably surprised by it. A slight look of confusion crossed his face, and his grip on Grimmjow's arms faltered slightly. After a moment of deliberation, he let go of them completely, prefering instead to place one hand behind Grimmjow's neck, and lift it off the bed slightly. The owner of the neck gasped slightly, eyelids fluttering. Ulquiorra held his neck gently, not letting his dark nails dig in. That would wait for another time. His other hand traveled down to rest on Grimmjow's waist lightly. The Bat didn't want to hurt his prey. Yet. There would be a time for that. And whether or not Grimmjow wanted to know or believe it, that time was approaching fast.

Grimmjow's eyes were misted over slightly, and he was having trouble controlling his breathing. Ulquiorra smirked. The Panther was actually enjoying this. The only issue with this was that Grimmjow was seme. He shouldn't be enjoying Ulquiorra taking over like this. Yet he was. Ulquiorra was reveling in his power. After all, he never got to be seme. "Do you like this trash?" Ulquiorra asked, leaning in till his lips ghosted above the tanned neck. He wouldn't move till Grimmjow replied. "Y-Yes." Grimmjow hissed out. He just wanted Ulquiorra to get a move on already and stop teasing him. The bluenette was having trouble controlling himself. Right now, he was fighting the urge to flip thier position and fuck Ulquiorra so hard the slut wouldn't be able to sit for the rest of the year.

Ulquiorra let his tongue out to tickle along Grimm's collar bone. Grimmjow moaned softly. "You must really like this..." Ulquiorra mused, letting his tongue trail further up Grimmjow's neck, stopping over the pulse that stood out amongst the muscles. Grimmjow moaned again, louder this time. "And you call me the slut. You should see yourself right now. You're getting so excited over nothing." Ulquiorra said, licking he pulse point again, before biting down on it. The moan he got quickly turned to a scream of pain.

Ulquiorra smirked, satisfied to see that this was going where he wanted it to go. "The best part about it, is that we're just getting started." Ulquiorra said, nibbling on Grimmjow's jaw. The bluenette was now a writhing mess in Ulquiorra's arms. A passing thought told him that what he did to Ulqui, was what was happening to him right now. "U-Ulquiorra-sama" Grimmjow breathed out, eyes drifting closed. "Yes, trash?" Ulquiorra asked. "Please." Grimmjow whispered. He didn't believe that he was actually laying here begging while his uke teased him beyond the limits of what he could take. It made him wonder just how the small creature above him could stand all the teasing he did to it.

"Please what?" The Cuatro asked, punctuating it with a kiss to the corner of the mouth. "Kiss me. Don't stop." Grimmjow said, looking up at Ulquiorra through lust glazed blue eyes. With a smirk, Ulquiorra complied, pressing his duo-coloured lips softly against Grimmjow's. The hand on his neck moved the neck a little so that Grimmjow's neck was arched, to such a degree that it would have been painful for him to maintain it should Ulqui not have been supporting it. The hand on the waist drifted down, till it was resting on the tanned hip, just above the boxers. The dark nails dug into the skin below him. Grimm let out a pained mewl, and parted his lips slightly, allowing his tongue to slip through them, to lap softly at the white lip against his. He moved one of his hands cautiously till it was resting on the small of Ulqui's back, the other going to thread itself through the raven strands. Some of the hair fell onto his face and tickled him, but he didn't care.

Ulquiorra consented, and parted his lips just enough for a tongue to slip through. They danced at the entranced of thier mouths, before Grimmjow purposely let Ulquiorra win. The Cuatro's tongue slid into Grimmjow's mouth, massaging the tongue it found there, and roaming through the cavern. No piece of flesh was left untouched, nothing was unexplored. Ulquiorra was entreated to the unique flavor of Grimmjow's mouth, coffee, with duck sauce and a slight hint of blood. Grimmjow moaned into the kiss, enjoying it.

They broke apart for air several minutes later. a thin strand of saliva connected thier lips still. They were both gasping for air by this point. Grimmjow turned so that they were both on thier side, and pulled Ulquiorra to him closely, an arm around his waist. The Bat snuggled to Grimmjow's chest closely, before he whispered, "Grimmjow-sama?"

The Panther smirked, before asking, "Yes, Ulqui-kun?" The smaller Espada trembled for a moment, before he said, "I'm sorry." It was so soft that even as close as his seme was, he had trouble hearing it. "I've done too many wrong things." the uke continued on. "Like what?" Grimmjow asked, rubbing small circles on his pet's back comfortingly. "Trying to be seme for one. Acting like such a piece of worthless trash for another. Insulting you. Not apologizing sooner for making you angry. Sneaking into your room with bad intentions..." Ulquiorra said, drifting off slightly.

"Ulqui, I don't hate you for it. If you wanna know the truth, I actually enjoyed you taking control for a while." Grimmjow murmured. He knew his pet had a tendency to blow the slightest things out of proportion and take it way too personally. "You don't and you do?" Ulquiorra asked, looking up at Grimmjow softly, tears beginning to form at the corners of his green to eyes. "Yes to both Ulqui." Grimmjow said, before starting to get Ulquiorra out of the dress he was in. "What are you doing?" Ulquiorra asked, looking up at Grimmjow with a look that would make any fan-girl/boy melt.

"Getting you out of this thing of course." Grimmjow said, pulling the offending fabric off. Ulquiorra was left in his green undies. With his green accents and bright red cheeks, he looked like an overgrown leftover Christmas decoration. Of course, his seme thought that this was just fine and dandy, thank you very much motherfucker. Grimmjow grabbed Ulquiorra's jaw lightly, and looked into his eyes. "G-Grimmjow?" Ulquiorra asked, voice faltering. "Shhh, Ulqui. You don't have to be embarrassed. You're beautiful. Especially when you blush." Grimmjow murmured, brushing thier lips together for a moment, before pulling back, and saying, "Besides the fact, you still owe me."

"What do I owe you?" Ulquiorra asked, confused. "Suck me." Grimmjow told him, face dead straight. Ulquiorra wasn't one to argue with this kind of thing. He crawled down the bed, and took Grimmjow's boxers down with him. He was surprised at the sight before him. Just then from next door there came a series of loud moans and screams. Grimmjow sighed. It was from Nnoitra's room. He pitied whoever it was getting raped at this hour. He got off the bed, in the buff, leaving Ulquiorra kneeling on the bed, and he asked, "Grimmy-chan? Where are you going?" Grimmjow looked over his shoulder at the Emospada left on the bed behind him. He knew that the creature would still be there when he got back in a few minutes.

"To see who the fuck Nnoitra's raping this time. I'll be back in a few minutes." Grimmjow said, leaving the room. Just like he said, there was a high-pitched femenine scream coming from next door. No doubt that was Szayel, screeching at being caught. In a moment, Grimmjow came back in the room, looking mildly shaken. "No comment." he said, striding back to the bed and flopping down. "Happy Valentine's Day Grimmy." Ulquiorra said softly. Grimmjow looked up and Ulquiorra, and dragged him down so he was laying on the tanned chest, before saying, "Happy Valentine's Day Ulqui-chan. I love you." This caught Ulquiorra off guard for a minute, before he replied, "I love you too."

they both cuddled closer to each other, and Grimmjow said, "Come on, we'll go to sleep. We can always continue this in the morning." Ulquiorra nodded tiredly, before he snuggled closer to Grimmjow's bare skin, and kissed him on the cheek. Grimmjow only smiled, then kissed Ulquiorra on the top of the head and said, "Get some sleep Ulqui. You have a lot of work tomorrow..." Without further ado, he pulled the blanket over the two. As soon as he had done so, he became aware of something warm and coppery scented dripping onto his nose. He licked it off and realized it was blood.

He turned on the lights, just to see Haruhi2034 crouched in the beams above, with a video-camera and a profuse nosebleed. "Dammit I'm caught!" She squealed out. Grimmjow only rolled his eyes and flipped her off before turning off the lights again. By this time, Ulquiorra was soundly asleep on his seme's chest. His seme intended it to remain just this way... At least for the next 5 hours.


End file.
